In 7th grade, we had a teacher with a somewhat short temper. One day some kids put their paper towels in the toilet, and so as punishment he made us write a 1000-word essay on trash. As you read, you can tell I had no idea how to fill 1000 words, so I bullshitted my way through, big time. If you skip the paragraphs where I describe the three R's (reduce, reuse, recycle), it actually gets pretty funny.

Waste. Garbage. Trash. Call it what you will, but it's a serious problem nowadays. It's piling up everywhere - in landfills, on your streets, in our yards, on our playgrounds. But none of it should be there. Trash can be recycled, reused, reduced, and precycled.

Recycling is easy - most townships collect recycling buckets twice a month. All you need to do is collect all of the things that can be recycled, throw them into a bucket, and put that at the end of your driveway. Newtown Township, my township, collects our buckets twice a month - on the first and third Thursday of each month. Newtown Township used to have big bins at the Township Building for aluminum, paper, plastic, clear glass, and dark glass. But people abused their privileges - for example, people would put strollers in the plastic bin - so the bins were taken away. This reminds me of a prank some people in 7A pulled by putting paper towels into the toilet next to Mr. Owens' room - they just don't belong.

Reusing is also very easy - for example, if some product you buy comes in a plastic bottle, don't just throw it away, but use it as a flower pot or a space helmet or a piggy bank! Reusing also means that if you buy, let's say, laundry detergent, buy the refill that comes in the recyclable container - don't buy the 64oz. plastic bottle again!

Reducing means exactly what it says - reducing. For example, not using as much wrapping paper as you normally would or not using as much wasteful products. Which brings me to...

Precycling is done when you go to the supermarket - only buying items that can be recycled later is precycling.

So there you have it - recycling, reusing, reducing - the three R's - and precycling. They are all methods for normal garbage disposal. But for paper towels in toilets, there are other methods.

The "hair" method, method number one, is easy to use - just wipe your wet hands on your hair. You don't even have to look for it - it will always be on top of your head. By the way, other people can use your head as a hand-dryer too as you walk by. Or you can use theirs!!

"Air drying" is also a common technique. In "air drying", one does not have to use paper towels. All that you have to do is flap your hands back and forth. Eventually, the drips either fall off your hands, or evaporate. Rumor has it that if you flap hard enough, you will lift off the ground, but more studies are needed.

The "sweater" and "pants" methods are closely intertwined. The "sweater" method involves wiping wet hands on the Devon Prep School sweater. Says one fanatic of this method, "It's more absorbant than Brawny!" Says another, "It's very economical!" The "pants" method can be used with wet or dry hands. One user, who wipes his dry, pastel-covered hands on his pants, says that "the color disappeared." Again, further studies are needed into this method.

Up until this point, I have only listed 4 of the 7 methods. I have only done these four because they do not require the use of paper towels. The next three use paper towels.

There is the so-called "normal method". In this method, wet hands are dried with paper towels, and then are thrown away into a trash can. This is the most commonly used method. Unfortunately, this method is losing its popularity as more and more people are attracted to...

The "window" method involves drying your hands with paper towels and then throwing them out the nearest window onto the pavement below, usually landing with a loud "SPLAT!" This method is used most often as a prank, because it is difficult to determine what window it came from. It is also becoming popular because of the comical-sounding "SPLAT!"

The "toilet" method is by far the worst, most disgusting, most inappropriate, most immature method of disposing of paper towels. Janitors, and teaches especially are not employed to clean garbage out of a toilet. This method should not even be used at all. But because of the irresponsibility of a few people, it occurs. It is used, similar to the "window" method, as a prank. Apparently, some people think that it is funny. I, however, think that it is not. I think that this method should be banned and those who use it should be severely punished. All that you need to do is reach over and put the paper towels into a trash can - which takes about 3 seconds.

And so, there you have it. The three R's (reduce, reuse, recycle), precycling, and the seven methods used in 7A. Obviously, the "normal method" is the better of the seven. Hopefully, in time, this method will be the method used by all.